


Psycho

by leedonghyucks



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Boarding School, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Long ass conversations, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Miscommunication, OMG I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT, Past Relationship(s), i didnt know that was a tag sdjaks but ye i guess, idk if it considered heavy angst tho now that i think of it, idk im sure i'll think of more to tag soon lol, manipulative behaviour??? i think???, mentions of bullying, one sided enemies lol, renjun best bff, teenagers being teenagers smh, uhh maybe negative thots?, what else, what else do i tagggg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:06:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22015334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leedonghyucks/pseuds/leedonghyucks
Summary: donghyuck's psychology assignment forces him to confront his feelings about his ex, mark lee
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 22
Kudos: 197





	Psycho

Donghyuck glared at the screen on his laptop as the empty Word page stared right back at him. He heaved a sigh before finally deciding to stand up and leave.

It’s been days since he had written a sentence, much less a paragraph. It wasn’t writer’s block thank _god_ but he wasn’t entirely sure if the predicament he’s in was better. He had ideas alright. He just didn’t want to write them down. Writing them down meant confronting the memories of his past he’d been trying to forget for _years_ but, he knew. He knew that the longer he procrastinates, the more he’ll think about all the work he’s _not_ doing and the more he’ll think about _him._

**January, 2015**

Donghyuck cursed the warden who decided that 12 in the afternoon on a Saturday was the _perfect_ time to have a school gathering. It’s only been a week since he supposedly joined the _best_ boarding school in Korea, but as the sweat dripped down his back, he was beginning to regret his life choices. He had only signed up for this shit because he wanted to get good enough grades during his college entrance exams so that he could get a scholarship to study abroad. He did not, however, sign up to sunbathe under the goddamn afternoon sun when half of the school population hadn’t even arrived causing the warden to take out his frustrations on students that were actually there on time.

He was voicing this exact sentiment to his roommate who would later on become his bestfriend, Renjun, when he laid eyes upon one of the latecomers who was walking down the steps.

Less than 10 metres away from him, stood the most gorgeous person Donghyuck had ever seen in his years 15 years of living. A boy of average height, not that tall but not that short either, with well defined cheekbones and big eyes that honest to god _shined_ . He had a cute nose that scrunched up when he laughed at his friend’s joke and pretty, _pretty_ lips.

Donghyuck’s initial impression that was imprinted into his memory up until the present always brought a bitter laugh.

_He’s way too gorgeous. He would never fall for me._

Donghyuck couldn’t be more wrong.

**Present**

“What do you mean you can’t write? Just look at your notes, bro,” Renjun said as he stole a piece of Donghyuck’s 20 piece chicken mcnuggets.

Donghyuck threw his fries at him in retaliation, only for three to hit Renjun and the other pieces to fall on top of Renjun’s bed they were currently seated on. Trust Renjun to be insensitive to the very real and very alarming mid-life crisis that he was currently experiencing.

“If that’s the case, I wouldn’t be panicking over an unwritten assignment that’s worth 40% of my overall grade and due in exactly seven days from now,” He sighed as he rubbed his hands on his face, belatedly realising that he had been eating greasy food just seconds before. 

Donghyuck’s convinced life’s out to get him.

Renjun put his non-greasy hand on Donghyuck’s left shoulder. 

“I know you’re comfortable locking up the past somewhere deep down your cold, ice-hard heart, but don’t you think it’s time you unleash Pandora’s box? You said so yourself that when the assignment question was released, you couldn’t think of any other topic but _it_. Unless you can come up with another, and I quote, piece that will help give you closure and open up a new chapter in your life, in less than seven days, I suggest you suck it up and face it head on. Knowing you, once you have a topic set, you physically won’t be able to write another so yeah,”

At that moment, Donghyuck hated: a) his psychology professor for setting such an emotionally challenging question and b) Renjun for spitting nothing but facts.

After wasting several more hours of his time at Renjun’s, Donghyuck decided to finally get his shit together and forcefully write a sentence. Two, if he’s feeling ambitious.

He made himself some coffee and placed it right next to his fully charged laptop on his study table. His favourite _lofi hip hop radio - beats to relax/study to_ video, already playing. Donghyuck sat down and took a deep breath. He was going to do this. 

_It wasn’t love at first sight. Even if it was, I didn’t experience it with him. No, he wasn’t an option until much, much later._

**January, 2015**

“My name’s Mark Lee and you are?” The gorgeous boy from before had said, extending his hand for a handshake.

Donghyuck hoped that his palms weren’t sweaty as he accepted Mark’s gesture.

“Lee Donghyuck. I guess we’re classmates, huh?” 

The gathering from before _did_ have a purpose. It was announced that there was an error in the system which put students from different streams into the wrong classes so a reshuffle took place. Donghyuck, who was finally starting to build a solid relationship with his classmates, was one of the unfortunate students who had to be moved. At least he was placed into the same class as Renjun and well, Mark Lee, he supposed.

Since Donghyuck had already ruled out Mark as a potential love interest due to the super low, very non-existent chance things were going to work out romantically, he decided to view him as a friend. Renjun, on the other hand, had flat out declared him as his enemy.

“Why?” Donghyuck asked as they made their way back to the dorms. 

Renjun frowned.

“Call it Pavlov’s classical conditioning or whatever but he looked _exactly_ like my enemy from middle school _and_ they share the same name. I bet he’s nothing but trouble,”

Donghyuck had agreed with Renjun out of pure camaraderie and just like that, a wall was formed.

The thing about prejudices or stereotypes is, people tend to see only evidence that confirms said prejudice which will only strengthen their own stereotypes.

Mark was good looking, Donghyuck can’t deny that. It was only natural for him to climb up the social ladder within weeks and claim his spot as one of the most popular boys in boarding school. Guys and girls, seniors and juniors alike had some sort of crush on him. 

“This is ridiculous. The Mark in my school was popular too and you know what they say about popular people. They’re heartbreakers,” Renjun voiced out as they witness Mark turn down another confession that week.

“At least he’s not stringing them along?” Donghyuck asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Was all Renjun said.

A few days later, a rumor spread that the reason why Mark rejected all those suitors was because he couldn’t move on from someone he confessed to back at his old school, who rejected him. It wasn’t out of disbelief he got rejected, it was out of pure sadness. Donghyuck’s beginning to think that the real Mark wasn’t as bad as they made him seem.

**March, 2015**

It’s been a full three months since Donghyuck had settled in his boarding school and that meant that exam season was approaching. _This_ was what he signed up for so he made it his duty to camp out in his classroom when classes were over, just to get some extra studying done. Renjun decided that he would never go that far so he opted to study in his room instead.

Donghyuck personally found the classroom atmosphere, a conducive learning environment. He knew he could get a lot done in a short while, as long as there weren’t any distractions.

As luck would have it, there _was_ a distraction and it was named Lee Jeno.

Donghyuck had been harbouring a crush on said boy for a few weeks and he suspected it wasn’t going to go away any time soon. 

Jeno was tall and quiet. Mysterious and laidback. He had piercing eyes and a defined jaw. He rarely smiled but when he did, his eyes form the cutest crescents Donghyuck had ever seen. A guy that looks cold on the outside but might be hiding a soft interior? That sounded _exactly_ like Donghyuck’s type.

Oh, and did he mention how smart Jeno was in Mathematics? Because that boy constantly got the highest marks in class and Donghyuck, being only a grade away from failing, had always admired that about him. He wished he could solve problems as easily as Jeno did. He had been stuck on the same question for ten minutes while Jeno had just turned the textbook to another page, indicating that he had completed at least three.

Donghyuck heaved a sigh. He knew he wasn’t going to get any work done at this rate so he decided to pack his things and return the next day. He didn’t say goodbye to Jeno, nor did he even acknowledge his existence. Donghyuck may be loud but he was super shy with people he liked. Therefore, he left without a word.

He returned the next day, only to see Jeno there in class again. Donghyuck figured that he should probably start going to class after school ended just so that he could get a glimpse of Jeno. Maybe, get some studying done too. It would be killing two birds with one stone. Maybe Fate made some points. 

Results were released a few weeks after and Donghyuck had managed to get a GPA of 3.9, the only thing ruining it was his horrendous Mathematics grade. At least this time, he was four grades away from failing and he had Jeno to thank for that. Silently, in his heart, because he would never tell Jeno that _he_ was the reason why Donghyuck had motivation to go to class everyday to study and not the overwhelming pressure to do well in an elite boarding school. Things were starting to look great.

**Present**

“What if I exceed the word limit?” Donghyuck asked as he drank his green tea frappuccino without whipped cream.

Renjun, who didn’t even look up from the counter he was wiping, had simply replied with a “cut it down, then,”. 

Donghyuck waited for approximately five seconds before the weight of his words sank in, causing Renjun to realise just how important that one question was. 

“I’ve opened Pandora’s Box,” 

**June, 2015**

Getting good grades enabled Donghyuck to apply for leadership bodies. There were the prefects, mentors and student council, to name a few. Donghyuck was ambitious so he had immediately signed up for student council along with Renjun. The both of them had easily passed the first stage, which was getting the grades. The second stage went fairly well either, with Donghyuck and Renjun absolutely crushing the questions asked by the interviewers. It was the last stage that was always the hardest. All candidates had to give a two minute manifesto on how they could improve the school.

Donghyuck and Renjun had fun shooting for the posters and coming up with witty slogans. Once all had been printed and pasted on every wall the school offered, they brainstormed for ideas together. Soon, it was the night of the manifesto.

Donghyuck had thought long and hard on how he could improve the school. Not just facilities wise, but also environment wise. The thing about the school was, there was a gap between the students. With it being an elite boarding school, there were students from all backgrounds. Students that came from other boarding schools, students that came from normal public schools. The students from other boarding schools came in hordes and knew each other because they were already in the system, while the students from normal public schools didn’t. Most were lone rangers, being the only representative from their previous schools. That was the case for both Renjun and Donghyuck. The former boarding school students had formed a big clique, shunning the others out. Their reason was that the public school students had to approach them first if they wanted to be friends but let’s be real. Not many people would single-handedly approach a large group of people just to befriend them. There was no winning. Donghyuck wanted to change that.

He took a deep breath as he waited for his turn to speak. Unfortunately, it was directly after the leader of the former boarding school students’ clique. He made his way to the microphone stand and smiled. It was silent, apart from supporters of the previous candidate waving said candidate’s poster obnoxiously at the back. 

Donghyuck had had enough.

“Could you please lower your posters at the back? It’s kind of rude to be interrupting people while they’re trying to speak,”

**Strike one.**

Murmurs could be heard from the crowd. Donghyuck ignored it and began his manifesto. He had talked about installing better facilities such as more accessible washing machines so that the students could spend less time doing chores and more time studying. He also suggested a mentor-mentee system for students who fell in the average range in terms of grades, as the school tend to focus more on high achievers to polish their talents, and low scorers as they needed more help. Last, but not least, he talked about the obvious problem in their batch that no one dared addressed.

“You can’t expect a single person to approach a large group first. It would be better if you guys took the initiative to approach them first. This would be able to promote batch unity and I believe that’s the key to our school’s success. A stronger bond makes it easier for us to help each other in our studies and no one gets left behind,”

**Strike two.**

After the two minute manifesto, the audience were allowed to ask questions regarding the initiatives suggested. They weren’t supposed to ask personal questions but what’s life if it doesn’t find a way to screw you up?

“What makes you think you’re better than the previous student council?” A senior had asked.

He could have avoided the question. Someone should have reminded him of that.

“I might be a little more friendlier?” Donghyuck had foolishly answered.

**Strike three.**

That night, Donghyuck had managed to make the whole school hate him.

He was the talk of the town for days, his name never leaving the other students’ lips. Posters of him were torn and thrown into the trash. He didn’t know who he could trust, apart from Renjun and a few of his other classmates. He couldn’t trust Mark because he was a part of the boarding school clique. Heck, he was in the same boarding school as the clique’s leader. That didn’t surprise him much, though. What _did_ surprise him was the fact that _Jeno_ , cool and mysterious _Jeno,_ was also a part of the clique. It was safe to say his chances were ruined.

“It can’t be that bad. I’m sure there are a lot of people who support you silently! The silent majority. You definitely have the votes from the former public school kids,” Renjun said as they made their way back from the cafeteria.

“I guess. I need to go to the library real quick. Can you tag along?” Donghyuck asked, glancing at his surprisingly undamaged poster. 

It was a scary world out there. Granted, not many people attended the manifesto speech but word travels fast in a place where one does not have access to smartphones and the Internet. He was sure the whole school had known by then and was waiting to attack him.

Renjun understood the hidden implications and nodded immediately, already dragging Donghyuck to the library’s general direction when an obnoxious voice from behind them had voiced out something that made Donghyuck stop in his tracks.

“Isn’t that Lee Donghyuck’s poster? Look, it’s unmarred too! Let’s doodle on his face, that’ll teach him,”

Renjun was tugging Donghyuck to move but he couldn’t. He simply looked back, causing the girl and her friend to stop giggling.

“Donghyuck, let’s go. We won’t make it in time,” Renjun tugged harder and this time, Donghyuck complied.

They did not end up going to the library. Instead, Renjun spent the rest of recess comforting a sobbing Donghyuck in one of the toilets.

**Present**

_I’m still not over it, huh,_ Donghyuck thought as he stretched his stiff limbs due to hours and hours of writing.

He decided to get himself some water, just to sober himself up. He didn’t think he would be able to continue if he just went at it. He needed time to compose himself.

He passed by a framed class photo as he went into the kitchen. There he was, smiling widely with Renjun beside him while Mark and Jeno were throwing peace signs at the back. His other classmates had equally huge grins as they posed as wildly as they could, with some pretending to be fighting and others pretending to film said fight. 

Donghyuck remembered how wary he was of his classmates after The Event in 2015, with half of them being a part of the elite clique but a class trip just days after the incident had reassured him that they were there for him.

They had told Donghyuck that in boarding school, friends were family and family will always have each other’s backs. With a support system this strong, Donghyuck didn’t care what others had to say. They didn’t matter. They didn’t know who he was and they just judged him based on the few minutes that one night. Meanwhile, he had his family who had known him since the start of school, who didn’t think any less of him but instead, was proud that he stood up for his beliefs on what’s right.

**November, 2015**

It had been a few months since The Event. The hate had died down, with the students focusing on finals that was just around the corner. Donghyuck still heard whispers sometimes but he didn’t care. It’s not like they knew him anyway. Heck, some of them just blindly joined the bandwagon hate. They didn’t even know what he looked like. They just knew his name and what he did. He was unharmed, most of the time.

There were a few incidents, however, that involved people actually knowing what he looked like. 

Donghyuck went to the toilet to take a quick shower before heading out for dinner with Renjun. He hung his t-shirt over the toilet stall and turned on the ice cold water, willing the coolness to seep into his skin. He had a long day and all he wanted to do was sleep his problems away but he couldn’t. Not when he still had night classes to attend. He groaned, turning the shower off, toweled himself dry and wore his t-shirt. His t-shirt that now had a huge hole in the middle. A huge hole made by a pair of scissors. Someone had cut his shirt deliberately.

“Fuck my life,” 

Donghyuck thought it was a one-time thing but as usual, he thought wrong. However, he found the other incident more hilarious than he did annoying.

“Seriously, taping my locker shut? Are they that desperate to see me shirtless? Damn,” He had complained out loud to his roommates who chuckled in return.

“That’s what you get for being a hot mess, I guess,” Felix replied.

Donghyuck merely flipped him off before proceeding to untape his locker with the help of Renjun and Jihoon.

**Present**

“Damn, kids are evil,” Taeil commented as he peeked at Donghyuck’s not-even-half-completed essay.

Donghyuck turned around to whack his co-worker but agreed, nonetheless.

“Yeah. They come up with the wildest rumors, too. I was hearing crazy stories about myself that even I wasn’t aware of. They really made me more interesting than who I really was,” Donghyuck laughed as he put the read books on the university library’s shelf. 

Taeil mainly hummed in response, seemingly busy in thought, which caused Donghyuck to start thinking too.

He realised that things could have been better worded, or said in a nicer tone, or just avoided altogether. He admits, he was partly at fault but did that really justify the school wide witch hunt he had to endure? No matter how unlikable someone is, who somehow managed to say the wrong things at the wrong time and pushed everyone’s buttons, that didn’t mean the person deserve to be singled out and hated on. One versus one thousand was never a fair fight. Okay, counting his classmates it would be twenty four versus one thousand and that still wasn’t fair but when was life ever fair? Donghyuck learned that he just had to roll with it.

“Are you okay now?” Taeil asked, after a few minutes of silence.

Donghyuck thought long and hard. It had been years since it happened and he still chokes up whenever he tells someone else about it. He doesn’t think it’s something that can ever be healed completely. The scars will always be there. But, he can try. He _will_ try, damn it.

“I will be,”

**May, 2016**

“I’m giving up on Jeno,” Donghyuck announced as he plopped down face first on Renjun’s bed.

Renjun, having to hear the same sentence 50 times in just that week alone, merely pushed Donghyuck off as he lied down.

“That’s what you say. Then, when he does the bare minimum, you’ll be lovestruck for an entire week,” Renjun voiced out, bored.

Donghyuck certainly did _not_ deserve that call out. He huffed as he pushed Renjun’s legs aside, making room for himself on the bed despite Renjun’s protests of his bed ‘being right there!’.

“But this time it’s _different._ He was talking to that Na Jaemin kid, _animatedly_ , Renjun. You know that’s not on brand with him,” Donghyuck complained, stealing Renjun’s spare pillow from under his head.

“Yeah? Then move on, Hyuck. I’m sure there are people out there who likes you. You’re pretty, you’re smart, you’re kind. Did I mention smart? Because damn, that 3.97 GPA makes you look sexy as hell,” 

The weird thing with their school was, apparently all bad deeds can be forgiven if one does well academically. That was how Donghyuck was able to get out of the bottom of the social ladder. It was superficial but he’d rather take that then getting harsh whispers any day. What’s socially better, or well, morally uncomfortable, for Donghyuck was that for that particular exam, the school had posted the rankings. Donghyuck, who managed to climb from 30th to 2nd place out of 433 students, became the talk of the town _again,_ but this time, for positive reasons.

“I want them to like me for _me_ , Jun. Not how well I can explain the functions of the nervous system or how fast I can differentiate an equation,” He said as he placed the stolen pillow beside Renjun and lied down.

“Who knows? Maybe someone _does_ like you like that but you’re just too dense to notice,” Renjun replied, rolling over to hit Donghyuck once for stealing his pillow, but letting him use it anyway.

Renjun was right.

**June, 2016**

Donghyuck looked at his appearance in the mirror one more time, before heading out. The school held a festival that day and it was one of the few times students were allowed to dress up. Usually, this would be the time people shoot their shots and ask for a picture with their crush. Today, Donghyuck, with the help of Renjun, was determined to do it.

They walked over to their class, where they had promised to meet their other classmates. Everyone looked good, clearly cherishing the rare chance they had to wear something that wasn’t a uniform or sports attire. Mark already had a line of girls and guys waiting to take pictures with him. No one was surprised. He recently got elected to become head prefect so his popularity skyrocketed. Jeno, on the other hand, wasn’t as occupied. Granted, Na Jaemin was there but it didn’t matter. Not now, not today. It was Donghyuck’s chance. All he had to do was go up to him and ask if he, Renjun and himself could take a picture. Donghyuck would stand in between Jeno and Renjun, and Renjun will make sure he’s slightly further away from them. Then, Donghyuck could crop Renjun out and make it seem as if it was just the two of them. It was perfect. All he needed was courage.

He took deep breaths and finally managed to pep talk himself into actually walking towards Jeno when someone tapped him on the shoulder. He looked behind to see a sheepish Mark and a dispersing crowd.

_Guess he told them no this time, too._

“Yes?” Donghyuck asked, feeling a bit anxious because he can see Jeno making a move to leave the classroom. He was going to lose his chance.

“I was wondering. Do you want to take a picture together, Hyuck?” Mark asked, uncharacteristically shy.

Confused, Donghyuck nodded. Mark grinned. The picture came out nicely, although one could tell it was kind of awkward. By then, they were friends, of course but they weren’t really that close. They haven’t interacted much.

Out of the corner of Donghyuck’s eye, he could see Jeno leaving the classroom, completely disrupting his thoughts. He hurriedly waved goodbye to Mark and dragged Renjun along, determined. Little did he know, how things were going to change after that one event.

**Present**

_I should really delete these pictures_ , Donghyuck thought as he looked at Mark’s grin and his own awkward smile. He then swiped left, revealing the picture of him, Jeno and Renjun. The next picture was the cropped version of the previous one, with only him and Jeno visible.

It’s been three years, going on to four. How would he be able to completely move on if he couldn’t let go of small memories such as those? He had no hope of letting go of the more significant ones, that’s for sure. Maybe he was destined to lead a life where he couldn’t go after anyone that wasn’t _him_ but at the same time, couldn’t bring himself to fix things with _him_ either. He was stuck, unable to move forward.

**July, 2016**

“I overheard Lee Jeno telling Na Jaemin how you asked for a picture the other day. Is it true?” Felix asked.

Renjun, who had been stirring his tea and minding his own business, gasped.

Donghyuck could feel his whole world crumble. Why else would Jeno tell Jaemin what Donghyuck considered confidential information? Of course, it was to make Jaemin jealous. That meant, he had feelings for Jaemin. That also meant, he knew of Donghyuck’s feelings towards him and _used it for his own advantage._ He could feel the stares from his roommates, concerned, questioning. He couldn’t deal with it, not in front of them. Not after all the gushing he made them listen to, not after all the swooning over bare minimum acts. He needed to get out. Run away.

He made a run for the door, running as fast as he could to the place that funnily enough, made him feel comfortable. The classroom. 

He slowed down to a stop as he spotted two figures talking and laughing in front of the entrance, the unshed tears making it hard for him to see. As he got closer, he could make out Jeno’s smiling face as Jaemin excitedly told him something. They looked happy. Donghyuck felt bad. 

He backed away slowly, careful not to make them notice but Jeno did. He always did.

“Donghyuck?” He called out.

Donghyuck turned around and bolted.

Deciding that he should just suck it up and deal with his roommates, he returned to his dorm, only to see it empty. He felt grateful at his roommates’ thoughtfulness. He dragged himself to his bed, fully intending to hide himself from the world under his blanket when his Nokia 1100 phone dinged.

**mark lee class 1**

r u ok?

**leedh**

yea y? lol r /u/ ok? y the text??

**mark lee class 1**

i dont think u r tho. i went to class just now bcs i left my book and then i saw u usain bolt ur way out of there as if u’ve seen a ghost

**leedh**

well if u put it that way ://

**mark lee class 1**

dont joke about that :(( u know there r rumors that our class is haunted right

**leedh**

its not rumors if its facts

**mark lee class 1**

hyuck hdjdhd >:((

**leedh**

bdjd im just pulling ur leg u big baby

the reasons to my ... prompt departure… had nothing to do with the supernatural

**mark lee class 1**

… so someone scared u? should i talk to them?

**leedh**

isnt this abuse of ur head prefect powers bdjdhd

and its ok no one scared me

i’ll be fine dont worry

o yea and speaking of head prefect duties, dont u also have student council duties to attend to?

**mark lee class 1**

yea but

**leedh**

but whT?

**mark lee class 1**

…. nvm

bye hyuck! talk to u soon!!

**leedh**

u cANF just leave me hanging jfc

ugh fine wtv bye mark lee see u in class

**mark lee class 1**

hahaha okay! :))

“Who are you texting?” Renjun had suddenly said from outside Donghyuck’s blanket fortress, causing him to drop his phone on his face and to angrily pull his blanket down.

“Mark,” Donghyuck answered as he rubbed his face, still recovering from the attack.

“Mark,” Renjun echoed, a hint of suspicion evident in his voice.

“Yeah, our _classmate_ , Mark. Why?” Donghyuck asked, suddenly feeling defensive.

Renjun smiled, as if he knew something. In which maybe he did, because he was Renjun.

“Nothing,”

**August, 2016**

Mark teasing him had become a normal occurrence after the first text they exchanged a few months back. He would steal Donghyuck’s pencil box and place it somewhere else. He would make fun of Donghyuck, just to laugh whenever he retaliated. Heck, he even resorted to shipping Donghyuck with a random kid from class 7 and getting the whole class to be in on it. 

At first, Donghyuck thought Mark hated him and this was payback for The Event that happened the previous year. Renjun had promptly told him to shut up before he could come up with even more ridiculous conspiracy theories as to Mark’s newfound.. _interest_ in him. Despite that, they’ve been texting each other every single day.

**leedh**

im hungry :((

**mark lee class 1**

oh nooo :(( what do u wanna eat?

**leedh**

idk,,,, 

oh!!!

maybe burgers from the cafe :o

**mark lee class 1**

damn

i left my wallet in the dorms

i’ll buy it for u tomorrow?

**leedh**

hdjd its ok then!!

i was just kidding u dont have to

**mark lee class 1**

okkkkk

oof i gtg now the meeting’s starting

see u tomorrow hyuckkk

The next day, Donghyuck found two, hot burgers, sitting on his desk. He spotted Mark sitting at the desk beside him, suddenly taking an interest in the ceiling above. Donghyuck hid a smile, unwrapping the burger and uttering a small thanks. He stole a glance to his left to see Mark smiling as well.

“I think he likes you,” Renjun voiced out one Sunday afternoon while Donghyuck was busy replying to Mark’s latest text.

“That’s impossible. He’s just being friendly,” Donghyuck countered, waiting for Mark’s reply.

Renjun turned towards Donghyuck, incredulous.

“Friendly is how Mark treats _me_ , Hyuck. He treats you differently. It’s special,” Donghyuck’s heart skipped a beat at Renjun’s words.

“You’re just reaching,” He replied, suddenly feeling weird all over at the thought of just being friends with Mark.

“Well, then. Fine. But, you better not lie to yourself by claiming that you don’t have feelings for him, though,” Renjun said, nonchalantly.

_What?_

“I don’t like him like that,” Donghyuck hurriedly said.

Renjun smirked. The ball was in his court now.

“Are you sure? You’re awfully excited about his texts, you know,” As Renjun uttered those words, Donghyuck’s phone dinged, causing him to glance and smile at the sender’s name, which also proved Renjun’s previous point.

“I’m sure,” He replied, determined to convince either Renjun or himself. He didn’t want to think about who.

A few days later, Renjun’s initial prediction came true and Mark had confessed to Donghyuck that he liked him through text. This, of course, had caused Donghyuck to run over to Renjun, panicking.

He felt weird. He didn’t feel ecstatic, nor did he feel disgusted. He was just… feeling _a lot_ of emotions. Awkward was one of them.

“I feel like I’m leading him on, Jun. I don’t want to reject him because it would make things awkward in class and I don’t want to be the class homewrecker. But if I keep talking to him normally, he might think I’m reciprocating his feelings and to be honest, I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now,” He confessed.

Renjun, for once, had no words. It was silent for awhile as Renjun mulled over his thoughts, carefully piecing them together to make sure what comes out next hurts the least amount of people.

“Just take it slow and see what happens,” He offered.

And with that, Donghyuck had continued texting Mark, being careful not to indicate in any way that he was having romantic feelings of some kind towards Mark. Maybe he did, he just needed more time to figure things out, and preferably, with not that many people butting into his business.

The thing was, having relationships were forbidden in boarding school. Mark, being head prefect and all and Donghyuck, being one of the school’s top students, would definitely cause a controversy. Donghyuck’s had enough of that. He just wanted to graduate in peace. So, he asked Mark if they could keep their relationship a secret until school was over. Mark agreed, albeit reluctantly. Little did they know, that this would lead to a chain of disastrous events.

**Present**

“Drinking on a weekday? Brave,” Jaehyun commented as he poured Donghyuck another drink.

Donghyuck gulped it down in one shot.

“Let me live, I’m trying to forget stuff,” He replied as he motioned for Jaehyun to pour another one.

Jaehyun looked at him worriedly. Donghyuck dismissed it with a wave of his hand.

“It’ll be over once I’ve finished my assignment. Then, I won’t have to think about it ever again,”

**September, 2016**

For a school that forbids dating, they surprisingly allowed the services of giving flowers to someone, to take place days before graduation. Donghyuck heard from Renjun who overheard Mark discussing with Lucas about when the flowers would arrive.

“I think he’s going to give you flowers!” Renjun exclaimed, excited.

“I doubt so,” Donghyuck responded, feeling those darned butterflies in his stomach.

As if the mere mention of Mark’s existence was enough to summon him, Donghyuck received a text.

**mark leeee**

lets meet outside the hall after the event ends

maybe at 1?

**leedh**

oof sure!

wait idk when my parents want to leave tho

and i have to send back the robe and stuff

i’ll try tho!

**mark leeee**

thats great :)) see u!!!

When the day came, however, they weren’t able to meet and no flowers were given.

**Mid-September, 2016**

The annual formal dinner took place a week after graduation. Donghyuck had spent hours getting himself ready, making sure not a single hair was out of place. 

“Are you sure you don’t like him?” Renjun asked, amused.

Donghyuck simply glared at his reflection in the mirror. Maybe he _was_ catching feelings. What about it?

“I just want to look good, okay. It doesn’t mean that I’m doing it for him,” He replied haughtily as he brisk walked out of the dorms, leaving Renjun behind.

“You can run from me but you can’t run from the truth, Hyuck!” He exclaimed, causing his voice to echo obnoxiously in the now abandoned dorms.

Renjun’s voice continued to echo in his head as Donghyuck laid his eyes upon Mark, all dressed up in a grey tuxedo. He had traded his normal sneakers for a pair of dress shoes and even styled his hair up, showing off his forehead. To say he looked good was an understatement. Mark looked as if he was sent from the Heavens.

_You can run from me but you can’t run from the truth, Hyuck!_

Dinner went by pretty uneventfully as the event was under the supervision of the wardens. Meals were served and performances were performed. That was, until Mark left his seat and walked to the stage, a guitar in his hand. Donghyuck felt shocked for a number of reasons. Primarily because he didn’t know Mark could play the guitar. It wasn’t a known fact. He could feel the number of his competitors increase by the second.

_Am I even worthy?_

The last thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. He hurriedly pushed it aside, desperate to not let it ruin the night.

They couldn’t get a picture together due to the sheer chaos of making sure everyone went back on time and no one decided to roam the streets without permission. Donghyuck was one of the first who had to leave and Mark was required to stay until the end. The timing didn’t work out.

_Or did he not want to be seen with me in a public event? Oh, wait. Didn’t I make the request in the first place?_

Donghyuck was finding it hard to sleep. His thoughts were starting to haunt him, paint him nightmares instead of dreams. He had a full day the next day and all he wanted to do was rest. He rolled to his side, determinedly forcing his eyes to remain close when his phone dinged.

**mark leeee <3**

u looked really beautiful tonight hyuck

i really mean it

i bet u’ll look as beautiful as u did when u walk down the aisle

good night

_You can run from me but you can’t run from the truth, Hyuck._

Donghyuck remembered telling Renjun’s voice that was residing in his head to _shut the hell up_ before finally succumbing to dream land.

**Present**

The curse they joked about in boarding school, about summoning someone when you talk about them, turned out to be true yet again.

Donghyuck was hiding behind the vegetable aisle, determined not to run into the person who’s been running through his mind the past few days. The second he saw _Mark Lee_ scanning through the variety of poultry available at the frozen section, he knew he had to dash. He vaguely remembered the fact that Mark _doesn’t_ eat vegetables so he would be safe in that aisle. For now. 

He let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding as he turned around, only to be met face to face with the man himself. Mark Lee. There in the flesh. This shit was scarier than any crappy jumpscare-filled horror movie Renjun made him watch so it was only natural for his flight or fight mode to be activated. Since he always had a soft spot for Mark, he could never fight him. So flight it was. 

He ran and ran, never looking back because if he did, he didn’t think he would be able to turn away.

**November, 2016**

Tensions were high as the college entrance exam loomed ahead. Everyone was on edge, only requiring a small mishap to turn their world upside down. Since life’s known for being a bitch that likes to throw lemons at people, it was safe to conclude that shit hit the fan and there were no survivors.

The fact that Mark and Donghyuck were dating had been known by the gang of troublemakers that gave Donghyuck so much shit the previous year. There was no way Donghyuck would tell them. He highly doubted Renjun would, too. So that only left Mark. Mark, who was friends with them. Mark, who shared the same dorm with them.

Rumors were circulating that a friend in that specific friend group, had been catfishing his own classmate. He pretended it was him texting her when in reality, it was passed on from friend to friend. 

_Birds of the same feather flock together… but not with Mark, right?_

_Right_ , Donghyuck assured himself as he watched Mark from afar, lining up to take his food. He went back to the dorms, replied to Mark’s previous text and was about to head for the showers when his phone dinged.

_It’s not possible. You can’t bring phones to the dining hall with you, and Mark as head prefect, would definitely avoid doing such things. He just took his food, he couldn’t have finished his meal already. It doesn’t make sense. Unless…_

Donghyuck shook his head to get rid of his negative thoughts. They were all just coincidences. Mark couldn’t have. No, he _wouldn’t_ have. 

As more and more people found out about the true nature of his and Mark’s relationship, he grew more paranoid. What if Mark _was_ in on it? His group of friends had a motive. What if they wanted to get back at Donghyuck for The Event in 2015 and they’re using Mark. He was way out of Donghyuck’s league, being at the top of the social ladder and it had all happened way too suddenly. What if, this was all a trap?

As if things couldn’t get any worse, the unimaginable happened.

The end of their school years were approaching, and Donghyuck’s class had decided to have a heart-to-heart session. The first session in the morning was lighthearted, fun even, but the same couldn’t be said for the more private, afternoon session.

Donghyuck and Renjun had accidentally walked in on their classmates interrogating the hell out of Lee Jeno.

“You’re awfully chatty with Jaemin but not with us, your _family._ You can’t just air familial affairs out in the open,”

Jeno seemed genuinely confused, which was fair. Donghyuck was confused too.

“Why did you boast to Na Jaemin that Donghyuck wanted to take a picture with you?” 

_Oh._

Judging by Jeno’s reaction, he seemed to realise what was going on too.

“I hope you know you missed your chance with Donghyuck. He has someone else now,”

Now, that. That was the statement that caused calm and composed Lee Jeno to finally break.

“What do you mean I lost my chance? Who’s the lucky bastard? Damn, I was going to confess after exams. What the fuck,”

To say Donghyuck was shocked, was an understatement. Renjun had to physically pull Donghyuck away from the situation as Jeno refused to elaborate further with Donghyuck being there. His mind was a jumbled mess. The guy he likes might be playing with him and the guy he used to like just told him that he liked him back. Exams were in less than a week. He had no time to deal with this shit. So, he opted to _not_ deal with it.

**leedh**

mark

i think we should put it on hold

exams are only a week away and we both should focus

i dont want any problems to be the reason why we dont succeed

im sorry

**mark lee.**

its ok hyuck i understand

good luck for ur papers!!

It was awkward as hell, because Donghyuck’s designated seat was right next to Mark’s the whole month exams took place. It was awkward during the first day, because they hadn’t seen nor talked to each other since the text but it was worse on the third day.

That was because on the second night, Donghyuck found out that half of the school population had known. With the stress of exams, and his emotions being all over the place, and with how homesick he was, he felt overwhelmed. He confessed to some of his classmates, Renjun included, about what had been happening the past few months. They’ve reached the conclusion that Mark was indeed, playing with Donghyuck and that he should give Mark a taste of his own medicine. He proceeded to type the text that he would regret for years to come.

**leedh**

do u rlly think u’re all that? lmao u make me sick. do u think its fun to play with other people’s feelings? do u think im stupid? yeah im not the brightest but im not an idiot, mark. u know who’s the idiot here? you are. for believing that i had feelings for u in the first place. the only reason why i didnt reject u was bcs i pitied u. i didnt want the class atmosphere to become awkward bcs of us. so i put up with you. did u srsly not realise how i never replied to ur confessions? nor did i tell u how much i cared for u bcs i dont lmao next time if u wanna play the game, get good at it first.

It was an agonizing five minutes but Mark finally replied.

**mark lee class 1**

ok.

With that single word, Donghyuck’s world came crashing down.

Donghyuck didn’t know how he was going to face him the next day. That dick that tore his heart into pieces, the only guy he cried over. He hoped to God that Mark wouldn’t be able to see how swollen his eyes surely would be. He couldn’t face him. The truth was, he had already fallen for Mark and God, did it hurt to find out it was fake.

Two days had passed and it was finally the weekend. Renjun had had _enough of_ Donghyuck’s grieving so he decided to force Mark to explain himself. Donghyuck had refused to be in the same room as Mark for fear of breaking down in front of him. It would be embarrassing. Not only did he fall for Mark’s lies, he fell for it hard. Unsuspecting. Unassuming.

Donghyuck waited for Renjun to return to the dorms, ready to hear whatever shit explanation Mark had come up with in the span of two days but it never came.

“We messed up, Hyuck. We messed up hard,”

It turned out that all of Donghyuck’s accusations were just that, accusations. Mark didn’t know how word spread, he didn’t even tell anyone. Although he was friends with the troublemakers, he never partook in any of their activities and he only replied with one word, because he was too heartbroken to come up with anything else.

“He cried, Hyuck. He rarely cries and you know that too,”

He did. He managed to screw up so fucking hard, it was unsalvageable. Still, he _had_ to apologise. He called Mark at first, and surprisingly, he answered the phone but said nothing. Donghyuck apologised profusely, desperate for Mark’s forgiveness but the only sound that could be heard was the the other sniffling on the line.

“I really did like you,” Was all he said.

The line went dead.

Donghyuck wasn’t having it. He had to meet Mark in person. Surprisingly again, Mark didn’t refuse. He merely listened to what Donghyuck had to say and left, seconds after.

Donghyuck was an idiot. He was an idiot. A stupid, motherfucking, idiot. If only he hadn’t listened to his paranoia, if only he had more trust in Mark, if only he had more confidence in himself, in his worth, if only they had talked it out, if only he had reached out to Mark as one does in a relationship. None of this would have happened. But there was no point. The deed had been done and the damage had been taken.

Weeks had passed and soon, it was the last week of school. Jeno had been trying to win Donghyuck over, determined to be given a chance.

“Since it didn’t work out with Mark, maybe it’s a sign that you should try giving Jeno a chance?” Renjun suggested as Donghyuck scrolled through Instagram. It was the last week, he knew the wardens weren’t going to confiscate his smartphone.

“I guess,” Donghyuck replied. 

Maybe he should. Besides, the only reason why he decided to move on from Jeno was because he thought he had a thing with Na Jaemin. 

**lee jeno class 1**

hyuckkj how r u

**leedh**

hi

im fine

wbu?

**lee jeno class 1**

omg

oh well im fine too! haha

do u want something to eat?

**leedh**

lmao thats sudden

sure i guess

**lee jeno class 1**

oof okay what do u want?

just name it and i’ll buy it for u

**leedh**

hmmmm

fried rice?

**lee jeno class 1**

how does fried rice + fried chicken sound?

**leedh**

sounds great!! omg

**lee jeno class**

niceeee

i’ll give it to u tomorrowww

during recess

ok bye hyuck

**leedh**

bye jeno

The next day came and Jeno was nowhere to be found. Donghyuck couldn’t stop himself from comparing him with Mark. Mark would _never_ do that. Mark, sweet and unabashedly loving. Mark, how’s he doing? Was he okay? Was he eating well? Was he sleeping well?

No. Donghyuck shouldn’t think about Mark. He didn’t deserve to.

**leedh**

does fried rice ring a bell

**lee jeno class 1**

omg hyuckkkk sorry i forgot!!

i’ll get it for u tomorrow

i thought u were joking

**leedh**

haha 

its ok

i was just kidding

u didnt have to

**lee jeno class 1**

oh thats good

i thought i messed up hdjdjd

**leedh**

u didnt :))

The more Donghyuck talked to Jeno, the more he realised how the Jeno he liked and the actual Jeno were very different from each other. He had like the _image_ of Jeno, mysterious yet caring. Not the true Jeno who came across as insensitive and inconsiderate. Donghyuck didn’t think he could take it any longer. He didn’t want Jeno. Jeno, who questioned his likes and dislikes. Jeno, who considered little of him. 

**lee jeno class 1**

yo nglll mark looks like shit rnnn

**leedh**

k thanks for letting me know

**lee jeno class 1**

damn i kinda pity him tho

thank god i cant relate

**leedh**

didnt i tell u earlier that i wasnt sure if i still liked you or if i liked mark

u dont own me jeno

**lee jeno class 1**

sorry

i wont say it again lol

**leedh**

i cant do this anymore

i cant keep hurting you or mark

im sorry

we’re over

**lee jeno class 1**

donghyuck im sorry

i wont say it again

just pls give me a chance

stop ignoring me damn it

fine

be that way

Jeno, who only wanted him because he wanted to one up Mark. But Donghyuck wouldn’t realise this until much later.

In the end, it all came down to Mark. Donghyuck couldn’t even begin to give a chance to Jeno when all he had in mind was Mark’s welfare. Somewhere along the way, his feelings for Jeno had vanished, only to be replaced by the ones he felt for Mark. He had to let Mark know. He didn’t care if he didn’t get a second chance. He had to let Mark know how he truly felt before all of them parted ways for good. He had to let Mark know that he’s loved, that Donghyuck appreciated him so so much, that he never truly understood how much Mark meant to him until he was gone. He didn’t expect for Mark to accept his apology, much less give him a second chance. He just wanted Mark to know that he _wasn’t_ and _will never be_ the harsh words Donghyuck uttered the other day. He was Mark, and he was _special,_ he was _shining_ and that he deserved someone as special as him, who would be able to love him with all their heart. As long as Mark was happy.

Donghyuck must’ve saved the entire world in his previous life because Mark, despite everything, had decided to take Donghyuck back. 

“Let’s give us another go,”

**Present**

“Stop running away from me, Hyuck,” Mark panted, as he caught up to him.

Donghyuck refused to turn around. He couldn’t. Not after all they’ve been through.

“Please,” Mark begged.

Donghyuck was starting to crumble. He had always been weak for Mark. That was why, time and time again…

**January, 2017**

“I still want to keep the relationship lowkey, though,” Donghyuck had said to Mark over the phone.

Don’t get him wrong. He realised how fragile their relationship was. How does one recover from a blow that big when the foundation of one’s relationship wasn’t that solid in the first place? He didn’t need more third parties trying to sabotage their relationship. He’s had enough. 

He heard all of their words. How Mark deserved better, how Mark was able to get any other guy or girl so why would he go for Donghyuck? They thought it was Donghyuck who was desperately clinging on to Mark, Mark being the best guy he’ll ever get to date in this lifetime.

Even after all this time, people were mean. But the meanest person to him, was himself. His harshest critic, his number one hater.

“Okay. Whatever you want, Hyuck,” Mark answered, a hint of sadness in his tone.

A pang of guilt shot through Donghyuck, as he recalled that one night from November. No matter how many times he apologised, and how many times Mark had accepted his apology, _he_ couldn’t forgive himself. He wasn’t sure if he was able to. He didn’t deserve Mark but he was selfish. He still wanted him, even with the hurt he caused. It would be _so_ much easier for them if Donghyuck had just _told_ Mark about the things he was hearing, his insecurities. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know why, why he put walls up so high even with the person he borderline loves. He knew it was going to bite him back in the ass once the future comes, but that was a problem for future Donghyuck.

**February, 2017**

Donghyuck looked at Mark’s Instagram story he was tagged in. He had told Mark he was going to Australia for a holiday and the sweet boy had drawn a picture of an airplane, with the caption that he’ll miss him. For some reason, Donghyuck felt nauseous. He could sense how many times Mark’s story was going to be screenshotted and sent to the respective class group chats in his school. He could almost hear their words.

_Undeserving._

_He could do so much better._

_They wouldn’t last long._

_Why him?_

These days, he was starting to feel bothered by his thoughts he was so intent on ignoring. He felt that that must be the reason why he’s feeling bothered by Mark’s affection. It was through association. His Mark-filled thoughts were starting to turn ugly, and somehow, his feelings started doing the same.

_I’m undeserving. He shouldn’t. I can’t._

His thoughts were interrupted by the notification he received on his phone. He hoped to God that it wasn’t Mark. He wouldn’t know how to act if it was actually him.

**lee jeno class 1**

i just wanna apologise for my actions

i shouldnt have done and said those things the other day

i admit, i may have felt entitled over u

but i was proud that after all those years, i finally knew that u liked me back

but to have u be snatched right under my nose, and to get u back again? felt like a dream come true

despite that, i know i shouldnt have acted the way i did

im sorry

**leedh**

okay apology accepted

**lee jeno class 1**

so what r u doing?

Donghyuck should've stopped there. He felt weird. Why would Jeno contact him all of a sudden? When school ended and they weren’t going to see each other until results day and possibly, the award ceremony. It was weird. Donghyuck should have ignored him. He didn’t.

**lee jeno class 1**

so i see u’re back together w mark

Jeno had texted a few days after.

**leedh**

what makes u say that

**lee jeno class 1**

i saw his instagram story

its all everybody’s talking about

Donghyuck’s stomach churned at the thought.

**leedh**

its my business

yall should mind ur own

**lee jeno class 1**

ok im sorry

He couldn’t do this. Not again. He didn’t want to damage his reputation that he had tried so hard to restore ever since The Event in 2015. It took a lot of sleepless nights and many, many tears. He didn’t want to be in the bad books of his peers, especially not after they’ve graduated. He didn’t want to be remembered in a bad way but he didn’t want to hurt Mark. Not again. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. But, the voices in his head. They weren’t being friendly. Oh no, not at all. At the end of the day, it wasn’t Mark’s fault. No, it was Donghyuck’s. He shouldn’t have gone for Mark again, not with his issues. He didn’t want to burden Mark. Mark’s amazing and he deserves all the love and happiness in the world. Something that Donghyuck couldn’t provide. He wasn’t sure if he was able to. He wasn’t sure of his feelings anymore. Was it pity he felt for Mark? Did he actually like him? He couldn’t tell anymore. Mark didn’t deserve this. He needed a break.

**leedh**

mark

im so so so sorry

im going through some stuff right now

its not you!!! its me definitely 100%

i cant think straight

i need a break

can we please take a break?

i cant do this mark

not now

im so sorry

pls dont blame yourself

its my fault

u deserve better

**mark leeee <3**

hyuck?

omg okay

take ur time

its ok, i’ll wait

dont worry about me

Donghyuck hated himself to bits for feeling relieved that he was free from Mark.

**April, 2017**

It’s been months since they last talked, with Donghyuck feeling a weird mixture of relief and guilt. He had seen Mark during results day. Heck, he even saw him during the awards ceremony but he ran away. He still couldn’t face Mark. He guessed he was going to have to confront Mark sooner or later and he knew what his decision was going to be. He had hoped that Mark would get tired of waiting, and realised that he did deserve better. Then, Mark will break up with him instead. He couldn’t break up with Mark. Not when _he_ was the one who broke up with him in the first place _and_ asked for a second chance. But, Mark. Mark being the sweet, lovable fool that he is, waited. He waited and waited. Until one day, he didn’t. And on that day, Donghyuck became the villain once again. This time, he did explain himself. All his worries, his insecurities, his thoughts, his actions. He wanted Mark to know that he would always deserve someone better than him. He was getting tired of repeating the same thing and he suspected that Mark had grown tired too. They weren’t good for each other. Donghyuck with his problems, had dragged Mark down with him. They were toxic. Mark didn’t deserve this. No matter how much love there was, they couldn’t be together. At least, not now. When they’ve never had the time to heal from their scars.

**May, 2017**

Donghyuck was furious. He had somehow gotten into the same college as Mark. Granted, he was there first as he enrolled in the January intake. Mark, who full on _knew_ he was there, decided to follow him. Heck, it was a college that specialised in _accounting_ and Mark wanted to take _medicine._ What was he doing there? How were they supposed to grow and move on? It didn’t help that Mark was openly flirting with other people in their “school peeps that went to the same college uwu” group chat. Everyone there _knew_ they were a thing. 

_What the fuck is he up to?_

**leedh**

im gonna k word m*rk

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

thats a first

what happened

**leedh**

hes openly flirting with other people

in our college group chat

filled with people who knew about our relationship

and not to mention half of them were my 2015 bullies

lmaooOoOoOo ijust know theyre having a field day

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

huh

thats a dick move

what were u on about, saying he deserved better

/u/ deserve better

u speak of him as if he hung the moon and the stars, even after u break up

not many do that

**leedh**

hes a good guy, jun

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

is he tho?

did u look at his latest instagram story?

he tagged a link to his blog

u might want to check it out

There, in Times New Roman font 16, laid a whole post about how betrayed Mark felt.

_Hi guys! It’s been awhile since I’ve written here haha. It’s safe to say I’ve been through hell and back so I was quite occupied. Nonetheless, now I have the time! And boy, do I have things to tell._

_I fell in love with this one person. He was everything to me. He was my idol. I looked up to him so much. I wanted to be him, wanted to be with him. Some of you might know who I’m talking about, so you guys would understand, right? He told me he felt the same at first and I was ecstatic! But boy, was I wrong. He never felt that way, I’m pretty sure. All he had given me was so much false hope only to crush it every single time. I was blinded by the illusion said he had created, but he never cared for me in the first place. How foolish was I to ever fall for a person so heartless , so cruel._

Up until that point of the post, he had agreed. Although it _wasn’t_ true that he gave Mark false hope because he _did_ fall for Mark. He _did_ cry for Mark every single time they broke up. He felt as if he had been _bleeding_ and _hurting_ ever since that time in November. It accumulated and built up to the point when all he could feel when he thought of Mark was _pain._ He wasn’t heartless. He felt too much. He cared for him too much, all he did was for Mark’s sake. He wanted Mark to be happy. He didn’t want to drag Mark down to rock bottom where he was currently residing. He broke up with him because he wanted him to be _free._

But intentions could never justify actions. No matter how noble his were, he was still the villain in Mark’s story. Heck, he was the villain in his _own_ story.

Sighing, he scrolled on.

_He probably looked down on me. He was everything. He had everything. He was smart, funny. I get it. He always had the superior grades. Always making it into the top ten when I’m just above average. He’s got great confidence. Probably because he’s rich. Maybe he thinks someone of my socioeconomic status didn’t deserve to be with him. Just you wait. I’ll study super hard, and be successful. I’ll work ever harder. I’ll be your boss. Then, I would have beaten you. Now, it’s me who can look down on you._

_Now hold the fuck up._

**leedh**

wtf did i just read

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

i just got chills man

hoes mad

**leedh**

injun is this rlly the time

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

omg u called me by my korean name

hdjdh ok sorry sorry

what should we do about this

**leedh**

idkkkkk he made points in the first half tho

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

ya but the second half was full on slander and like lowkey a threat

that was kinda mean of him tho

he put the link on his instagram where most of our schoolmates follow him

and he specifically asked them to check it out

when he knows everyone knows who its about

he might as well just write “go check out my diss track about hyuck!” in the caption 

**leedh**

://///

ig i should confront him

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

no honey

/we/ are going to confront him

**leedh**

wdym

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

the others have a plan

Donghyuck really should have known better than to go along with their plan because the last one turned out to be an absolute disaster. He was blinded by hurt, by anger. He was a shit person. That was the only excuse he could offer to explain what happened next.

They had created a group chat filled with Donghyuck’s friends and Mark. Donghyuck didn’t want to be a part of it. He never did. He couldn’t bring himself to directly hurt Mark. 

_But you could when it’s indirect? What a hypocrite,_ his thoughts voiced.

They had confronted him in a civil manner, asking rather than attacking. Why he did what he did? Why did he purposely want to publicly shame Donghyuck when he knew what Donghyuck went through?

Donghyuck knew better. He knew his friends. Their words were laced with venom and although asked with a smile, it was meant to be deadly.

They had added Donghyuck in the chat later, urging him to at least talk to Mark about this issue and to let things go for good. That they shouldn’t have bad blood anymore. Mark had explained his side of the story and Donghyuck explained his. 

It didn’t turn out to be as bad as Donghyuck expected, but that didn’t mean he didn’t feel guilty. Oh no, the guilt from before had returned full force once he realised he had went ahead and misjudged Mark. Again. Donghyuck definitely had issues. He should stay away from Mark at all costs. Mark wasn’t going to stop him from coming back so he had to take the initiative to leave. For Mark’s sake and his own.

**Present**

“Please don’t ask me to stay. You know I won’t be able to say no,” Donghyuck pleaded, still refusing to turn around.

“What if that’s what I wanted?” Mark asked as he stepped closer.

“It’s not good for you. I’m not good for you,” Donghyuck whispered.

He gathered all the will he had in his body, and ran.

This time, Mark didn’t go after him.

**July, 2017**

Donghyuck screamed of joy when the much anticipated e-mail entered his inbox. He had just been offered a full scholarship, all expenses paid, to do his accounting degree in Australia. Granted, he still had to do his foundation in Korea in a different college but by 2019, he would be able to leave. 

“I’m so proud of you, you lil shit!” Renjun exclaimed as he tackled Donghyuck into a hug.

He felt hope. Maybe, he could use this opportunity to finally get over _him._

**September, 2017**

**lee jeno class 1**

i heard that u got a scholarship to go overseas hyuck

congrats!!

im happy for u

Donghyuck felt his heart skip a beat. After all this while, Jeno still thought and cared for him. After all the shit he’s put him through.

**leedh**

thanks! i heard that u got accepted into SNU

congrats!

**lee jeno class 1**

thanks!! hahah but like i lowkey wanna leave tho

i wanna be a pilot

and enrol into a pilot academy

**leedh**

oof

good luck with that!

Perhaps Donghyuck should have seen it coming. The way that Jeno only texted him when he assumed he was on good terms with Mark. He couldn’t see that until a week after they decided to give it another shot.

**lee jeno**

hows mark? u on good terms w him?

**leedh**

we’re….. civil

**lee jeno**

thats good

u know like if u guys fought again like u did the other day over his blogpost, i would side w him :((

**leedh**

what? why

**lee jeno**

wdym why? hes my friend lol

**leedh**

look, i would never force u to pick a side, when its ur friends vs me

but in this context

its my _ex_ over me, jeno

in this context he’s my ex!! not ur friend….

we fought about our _break up_

and u’re gonna side w my ex???

**lee jeno**

i said what i said ://

hes my bro

Donghyuck took a deep breath. He was older, more mature now. He wasn’t going to ruin his relationship like he did the first one due to his irrationality. He needed to think before he acted. He didn’t want to hurt Jeno the way he had hurt Mark. Hurting one person was damaging enough.

**lee jeno**

hyuck

what r u up to

**leedh**

studying

wbu?

**lee jeno**

watching a movie

**leedh**

oh ok

have fun watching ur movie!!

**lee jeno**

nahh its ok i can put it on pause for u

**leedh**

arent u a flirt

**lee jeno**

u like it

btww sorry for bothering u

u should continue studyinggg

**leedh**

nahh its ok i can take a break

whats up?

**lee jeno**

hdjd nothing much

btw

have u met up w mark recently?

**leedh**

no… 

why

**lee jeno**

oh its nothing

thats good

He really should have seen it coming. The fact that Jeno only liked him because Mark made him look desirable. That he wouldn’t have acted on his feelings if Mark hadn’t in the first place. He didn’t like him. If he did, he wouldn’t have manipulated Donghyuck in the first place.

**lee jeno**

talk to me

**leedh**

im busy rn sorry

whats up tho

u can type first and i’ll respond later

gtg

**lee jeno**

u dont care about me

huh

is this how mark felt

**leedh**

jeno wtf??

**lee jeno**

we talk, u know

about how u treated us

**leedh**

i rlly dont have time for this

**lee jeno**

u never do, it seems

It took awhile for Donghyuck to recover from that blow. He did some thinking and realised that his behaviour now, was enabling others to step on him. He had wanted to avoid another Mark situation, by trying to hold it out whenever his thoughts told him how undeserving he was, whenever he felt bothered by Jeno’s actions. He wanted to become better, to learn from his past mistakes and never repeat them again. He wanted to grow. But, he realised. In this situation, it was okay to feel bothered because what Jeno was doing, wasn’t right. It took him awhile but he finally saw how Jeno was using him all along, to get back at Mark. To one up him. To shove it in his face that he had what Mark wanted, but couldn’t have. How he had tried to get in between Mark and him every single time, since that November. And Donghyuck had foolishly let him. 

_I really don’t deserve Mark._

That night, Donghyuck broke up with Jeno and never talked to him ever again.

**Present**

“I’m going to ask for an extension. This assignment is traumatising me,” Donghyuck said as he massaged his head, leaning back on Renjun’s armchair. 

“You should have completed this first before flying your ass back to Korea but nooooo, you _wanted_ to flex about your take home exam. Well, fuck you,” Renjun said as he turned the page to his Macroeconomics textbook.

Donghyuck threw a pen at Renjun. He missed.

“I didn’t think I was going to write about _this_. I mean, I kinda wanted to but I wasn’t sure whether I would pull through,” He said as he stood up, opting to pace around Renjun’s room instead.

“Besides, it doesn’t help that I might run into him at any second. Like what happened yesterday,” Donghyuck turned to look at Renjun.

Renjun stood up at once, giving Donghyuck a hug.

“You’ll get through this, okay?”

**July, 2018**

It had been more than a year since he last talked to Mark. Donghyuck had desperately tried to move on and, at the same time, fix the issues he had been struggling with for years. He managed to claw himself out of the dark hole he fell into and he was beginning to believe more in himself. That he _was_ deserving. He was smart, and kind, and thoughtful, and pretty. He was _worthy,_ no matter what others said about him. 

Donghyuck had believed he moved on. He tried flirting with other guys, but he couldn’t turn the flings into relationships. Maybe he had commitment issues. He didn’t want to be tied down to anyone. He wanted to be free.

However, the truth was, his heart still belonged to Mark.

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

dont stalk his instagram

**leedh**

I WASNT GOING TO

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

lies

the gc was talking about his new bf

ofc u would stalk him and then the new bf and compare urself

**leedh**

im better looking anyway

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

facts!! but GDJDHDJ hyuck

im loving this new improvement

**leedh**

hsjsh thank u

idk man i told him to find someone better than me

but every single time he downgrades like wtf is up w that

hhh maybe theyre better in the “loving him” aspect

thats good

he deserves happiness

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

u do too, u know

**leedh**

hdjshd thanks

but rships arent my thing

altho i do get lonely and feel bitter sometimes

i dont really want a bf u feel?

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

yea i get u

**leedh**

no u dont u mf traitor!!!

yangyang: exists

you: i get how single u feel

IM TELLING ON U!!

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

GDJDHJD PLSSS

go ahead lmao 

if u want to see how sickeningly sweet we can get

**leedh**

fuck u

Donghyuck was lonely. He wanted to experience again what it felt to love and be loved. He was ready, this time. He was determined to let the next person to walk through his door a shot, no matter who he was.

Donghyuck should have taken into account how big of a dick Fate was.

**mark lee**

hey donghyuck

its been awhile

my exam centre for the acca paper is held in ur college

do u wanna grab something to eat after im done?

Not only was Donghyuck a fool but he was a whipped fool so he decided to say yes, substantially damaging his moving on progress. 

They had met up late afternoon, with Donghyuck taking Mark to his favourite restaurant that honest to God had the _best_ butter chicken. He had went on about this absolute excellency the restaurant served, with Mark listening intently to his every word. Conversation had flowed smoothly, as if the horrible events in the past had never happened. Donghyuck didn’t feel bothered. He felt normal, happy even. He could feel the once dead butterflies in his stomach resurrect again, and it had nothing to do with the butter chicken. By the end of the meal, they were laughing.

“Let me get the bill,” Mark said as he stood up.

“No, let me,” Donghyuck countered, also standing up.

It had gone for awhile until Mark had dashed to the counter and lowkey threatened the cashier to take his money or _else._ Donghyuck watched from afar, glad that he was given the opportunity to have at least one more happy memory with Mark. He wasn’t going to move on for months, he was aware of that but he still felt content.

“You’re going to Jihoon’s sister’s wedding, right?” Mark asked as they walked to the carpark.

“Yeah, are you?” He asked.

“Yeah. Do you need a ride? I don’t mind driving you and it’s quite far away,” Mark asked, shy all of a sudden.

Donghyuck was taken aback. He definitely won’t be able to move on.

“Uh, sure. Can I bring Renjun along? He’s coming too and we were supposed to go together,”

He needed Renjun for moral support. There was _no way_ he was going to survive this alone.

The next Saturday, the three of them piled into his car, with Donghyuck sitting in the passenger seat and Renjun sitting behind. He had flat out refused to sit in front just so that he could watch Donghyuck suffer. Donghyuck mentally cursed him.

It wasn’t his first car ride with Mark. He had driven him home that one time his classmates had a reunion and it was past curfew. The funny thing was, the gates were locked so Mark had climbed the gate and knocked on Donghyuck’s younger brother’s window for him. He had then made Donghyuck apologise to his mother the next morning for sneaking in so late, and said that he wouldn’t allow that to happen ever again.

The next car ride, he drove Donghyuck home again. He couldn’t remember the occasion, but he _did_ remember Mark meeting with his parents after that. They had instantly taken a liking to him.

The only time they were alone, however, was after that trip back to the restaurant the other day. The air felt heavy, Donghyuck felt trouble breathing. He knew he wasn’t the only one feeling the tension. Mark must have felt the same because he had turned on the radio minutes after.

Just like what he was doing now. Only this time, it was his Spotify playlist.

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

loooool he’s playing infinity by one direction

its a signnnnnn

hes trying to tell u something

oMG IS THIS FRANK SINATRA’S CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOUUU

ooooo homeboy hasnt moved on

GDKSHS I CAN SEE U BLUSHING FROM THE BACK U AINT SLICKKKK

**leedh**

DO U EVER SHUT UP

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

lmao nope

OMGGGGG AMNESIA BY 5SOS HDKDHSKS

Donghyuck regretted ever bringing Renjun along. He was right, though. Mark hadn’t moved on. It was clear to Donghyuck, too. He didn’t know if he wanted to take that chance. He had broken Mark’s heart twice. He didn’t want to go for a third. However, when they met eyes and Mark had smiled at him, small but content, he knew he wasn’t going to go down without fighting for them.

**leedh**

let me be honest w u

it took me years to finally move on and u had the audacity to just,,,, be u and ruin my progress like that i cant believe it

do u know how many failed relationships i had bcs i couldnt move on from u?

ugh my stupid ass still replays all our memories and we dont even have a lot of good ones

i still like you mark

i dont think ive ever stopped

ever since 2016

for me its always been u

u were the best ive ever had and tbh i dont think i’ll ever come across someone better

i know its stupid

but ive learned from my mistakes and im better now!!

i think im ready to commit

im ready to fall

i absolutely understand if u dont want to but

do u want to give us another shot?

**mark lee**

donghyuck

u dont know how long ive been waiting for u to say that

i couldnt move on from you, too

all the relationships…. it never worked out

bcs i kept thinking of u

i miss u so much hyuck it hurts

i really do want to give us another shot

we’ll be better this time

we can do it

i believe in us

Donghyuck was a fool. If it didn’t work out the first two times, why would it work out the third? If he didn’t change anything in his relationship with Mark, why did he foolishly believe that the outcome would be different? He felt trapped again, bothered by Mark’s affection. No, it was no longer guilt making him feel this way. Nor was it his negative thoughts. It was just, _Mark_.

**leedh**

why do i feel bothered by mark’s affection?

like

i dont like him being all clingy and stuff w me

and i dont want him to call me often

or text me

why

what the fuck is wrong with me

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

thats weird

u’re super affectionate w me

and literally everyone that’s close to u

wouldnt u want ur bf to be clingy w u?

**leedh**

thats what i thought too….

renjun whats wrong with me

why do i always sabotage myself

i know i deserve this now

but

why cant i…….. 

fuck renjun im going to cry

i cant keep doing this to him

but i cant keep doing this with him either

ive lost sleep

ive lost my appetite

all bcs ive been feeling bothered by him

its not even his fault!! he isnt being creepy or anythinf

why jun why

why am i like this

im so fucking frustrated

bcs im not capable of liking anyone but him

but i cant like him either

what the fuck

i wanted to try communicating

so i told him the other day that i felt uncomfortable w his constant texts

but he still texts me daily (which i know most ppl would be happy about)

and bcs i just,,,,, cant

i keep replying w one lines 

and i know its hurting him 

i dont want to hurt him but i dont want to lose myself either

why am i like this

i hate myself

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

hmmm

maybe….

maybe u dont like him anymore hyuck

**leedh**

wdym??? im literally here feeling devastated bcs im about to hurt someone i care for so much???

**the devil’s spawn**

maybe u feel pity for him

or the guilt hasnt gone away completely

yeah u care for him

but is it romantically? 

it could be platonic, u know

**leedh**

no… i wouldve been able to move on if that was the case

ive had many friendship break ups

it was easy for me to let go

but with him…

i cant jun

im… really tired

its the same thing over and over again

i cant keep doing this to him

i cant keep doing this to myself

its always me asking him and him agreeing and then me breaking up and the cycle repeats

its fucking ridiculous

i know ive accumulated a fuck ton of bad karma

but do i rlly need to be tortured this long?

i get it ok 

i got the memo, fate

**the devil’s spawn (huang rjn)**

u know

it could also be that u guys just,, arent compatible

wait let me explain

like uve only gotten to know him that way for a few months before November 2016 happened

so ur relationship wasnt rlly that strong for it to withstand such a huge challenge

but bcs u guys somehow made it

it kinda shifted the rship from “light and easy” to “serious and mature”

and tbh no 18 year old is ready for that

we’re talking stuff like marriage

ur few months of good memories compared to ur years of bad cant compare

its unfortunate but bcs of all the shit u guys had to go through

u cant ever go back to “light and easy”

which would be ok for some, but not for u whos still struggling w commitment issues

my advice? take a break from each other

and let both of u grow and heal from the pain uve caused each other

bcs i feel like, ok the nov 2016 thing happened and then the next year u make up and break up and the next year the same thing happens again

a year later and u hurt each other again

u need /years/ to heal hyuck

maybe then both of u will be diff ppl bcs change is inevitable

and maybe then u can start over again

With Renjun’s words in mind, Donghyuck repeated the cycle in order to break it.

Mark’s parting words lingered in his head.

“Why do you keep trying to decide what’s best for me? I’m not as fragile as you think I am,”

**Present**

_This has got to be a fucking joke,_ Donghyuck thought as he reached the front of the line, only to see his ex manning the cashier at his favourite Starbucks outlet.

“Let me guess, green tea frappuccino without whipped cream?” Mark had asked, already writing down Donghyuck’s name on the cup when he hadn’t even uttered a single word.

“Wow, first week on the job and you already have regulars memorised? You really are a legend,” Johnny said as he took Donghyuck’s cup from Mark to make his order.

Donghyuck merely smiled as he moved to the side, wanting the ground to swallow him already. It’s been two days and he’s already meeting Mark more times than he was comfortable with.

“This reminds me of that one time in class, when you got that free coffee sample and shared it with me, despite it being midget sized,” Mark said, suddenly appearing beside Donghyuck with his order in hand.

_God, Mark. No one fucking asked._

Donghyuck’s heart skipped a beat anyway.

“I will take my leave now,” He opted for instead, speed walking out of the shop to the sound of Mark’s laughter.

Coffee shops reminded him of that one day in 2016 as well. 

**2016**

Donghyuck was walking to class when he passed by two middle aged men installing a new coffee machine right next to the vending machine he had come to claim as his baby. He was going to be late but who was he to refuse free _coffee_ especially when he was a sleep deprived student who couldn’t remember the last time he slept for more than four hours. Happily, he walked to class, only to find it empty apart from Mark who was sleeping soundly on the desk next to his. At the sound of Donghyuck’s chair scraping the floor, Mark had woken up.

“What’s that?” He groggily asked.

“Coffee,” Donghyuck said, already extending his hand to offer Mark some

“Thanks,” 

**Present**

_What the fuck is he up to this time,_ Donghyuck grumpily thought as he made his way to Renjun’s apartment, still shaken up by the exchange he had with Mark a few minutes ago.

It was weird. Donghyuck was unnerved. He didn’t get it. Why was Mark adamant on appearing in his life again? Acting all brand new, too. Donghyuck didn’t know what to think. He hated thinking. 

He wish he had thought, though, before he opened the door to Renjun’s apartment using the spare key he had only to see Yangyang passionately making out with Renjun on his couch.

“My eyes!”

“This is my house, dipshit!”

After the initial shock and disgust wore off, Donghyuck had sat down with Renjun on his bed, because he absolutely refused to touch the couch.

“We’ve done more here, just so you know,” Renjun nonchalantly said, causing Donghyuck to grumble a “at least I didn’t witness it.”

He had recounted his experience, sipping on his green tea frappe along the way.

“Like, I don’t know what he’s up to and that scares me. He’s not the Mark Lee I know,” Donghyuck said, accidentally spitting out some of his drink.

“Gross. Also, isn’t that good? At least now, you guys can start anew,” Renjun said as he wiped his face.

That got Donghyuck thinking. He _did_ have a point. One thing wasn’t clicking, though.

“I can’t, Renjun. It hasn’t even been a year! I need more time to heal,” Donghyuck countered weakly.

“You don’t. Going overseas had changed you a lot. I’ve seen you grow more these past few months than I did these past few years. It did you good. You’re a better Donghyuck now. Your confidence is through the roof, your self esteem couldn’t be better and you’ve worked through all your issues like a champ. You still haven’t been able to get a guy though, and let’s be real, we all know why. You’ve definitely changed for the better,” Renjun said, smiling warmly as he patted Donghyuck’s hair. 

Renjun rarely showed him affection. He felt weirdly warm but equally disgusted.

“And judging by the writing on your cup, it looks like he wants to give it another go too,” Renjun said, pointing at the now abandoned Grande sized cup.

_Donghyuck, my full sun <3 _

**Ten months ago, February, 2019**

Donghyuck _did_ break the cycle. He had deleted Mark’s number from his phone and blocked him on all social media apps. He didn’t want to give himself a chance to even think about contacting Mark. It was detrimental for them both. But Mark. Mark, too, decided to break the circle because for the first time ever, _he_ was the one who approached Donghyuck and asked for them to get back together. To say Donghyuck was shocked, was an understatement. He was completely and utterly flabbergasted. 

“What?” Donghyuck asked, incredulous

“I know you’re leaving the country, Hyuck, but I want to give us another go,” Mark said as he stepped closer towards Donghyuck.

He shouldn’t have invited Mark to his farewell party. Neither of them were ready for this.

“Mark. We can’t even succeed at a normal relationship. What makes you think we’ll be able to go through long distance?” He questioned again. Couldn’t Mark see how ridiculous he was being?

“I still like you. It’s always been you,” Mark pleaded.

“I still like you, too. But I can’t. Not if I want us to have a chance in the future. I know that if I hurt you again, this time, this would be the end for us. Maybe, just maybe. When years have passed and we’ve both grown, changed and healed, it could work out. I don’t want you to wait for me, though. Let me go. If someone else managed to steal your heart, go for them. Don’t think about me. Don’t let this tie you down. I’m letting you go too, because it’s time I forgive myself. I deserve a peace of mind as well. If we’re meant to be, we’ll cross paths once again. Whatever happens, happens,”

**Present**

_It didn’t even last a year. What a clown,_ Donghyuck thought as he pressed Mark onto the door of his apartment, kissing him as if his life depended on it.

Maybe it did.

Mark had kissed him back just as passionately, tightening his hold on Donghyuck’s waist. Donghyuck tangled his hands in Mark’s hair, pulling on it slightly when Mark nibbled his lips. Mark let out a groan, causing Donghyuck to realise that they had to slow down if he was going to get any work done. He couldn’t let Mark be a distraction.

“Mark,” He gasped out.

Mark hummed, moving from Donghyuck’s lips to his jaw.

“Mark,” He tried again, weakly trying to push him away.

“Yeah?” Mark relented, opting to place kisses all over Donghyuck’s face instead.

“I need to submit my assignment,” He managed to get out. 

Mark stilled for a few seconds before stepping away, laughing out loud.

“That’s my Donghyuck,” He had tears in his eyes as he ruffled Donghyuck’s hair, fond.

Donghyuck had grumbled a “shut up, Mark Lee” before storming off, sulking.

Mark followed suit, grinning along the way. He was so stupidly in love with the younger’s antics. 

He looked over Donghyuck’s shoulder, curious to know what he had typed out for the conclusion of their story but Donghyuck showed him no mercy. He simply swatted Mark away with his rolled up past year papers from college and told him to “wait patiently on the bed or whatever,”.

Mark had replied with an “Oooh, kinky,” to which Donghyuck responded by shoving Mark out of his bedroom altogether.

Finally free of all distractions, Donghyuck smiled as he typed out his last paragraph.

_I know I’m risking it by typing this kind of sentence in an academic paper but I just have to say, I truly hated the question. Not only was it physically challenging, it was mentally and emotionally draining as well. I hated the fact that I had to confront the demons of my past. The ones that I’ve kept locked in my Pandora’s box for so long, afraid that it will bring chaos. Now, now I realise just how much I needed to do that. I could finally see things in a logical flow, and to see that I’m just human and I’ll screw up once in awhile. The important thing is, I’ve learned from my mistakes and would definitely not repeat them again. It was a very therapeutic experience, and I finally felt free. Free of all my chains, chains I’ve constructed with my own mind. I was being too harsh on myself and now, I know. This assignment had taught me a lot more than I expected and for that, I’ll forever be grateful to the professor who set the question and maybe the aforementioned Huang Renjun for forcing me to take on this topic. I will end my essay with song lyrics that I felt truly encapsulated the whole journey I’ve been through._

_“We’re in a beautiful and sad relationship,_

_We make each other shine,_

_Like the moon and the river,_

_And we hug again._

_Hey now, we’ll be okay,” - Red Velvet, 2019_

_Stan RV!!_

Mark made Donghyuck edit out the last few sentences, much to his dismay.

“Your citation wasn’t even in APA format,” Mark pointed out.

“Okay, boomer,” Donghyuck said as he angrily pressed submit.

Mark just laughed, pulling Donghyuck closer and leaning in.

“I'll let that slide for once. Besides, we have a lot of time to make up for,” He whispered as his lips touched Donghyuck’s.

**2028**

“You _do_ look as beautiful as you did during our annual dinner a few years back,” Mark said as Donghyuck stood in front of him as hundreds waited for the priest to start the ceremony.

“I’m offended you don’t find me _more_ beautiful,” Donghyuck teased, grinning widely.

Renjun, his best man who had been crying ever since he saw Donghyuck walk the aisle, let out a snort. Mark laughed and they quieted down, wanting to get it over and done with.

“Do you, Mark Lee, take Donghyuck to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Mark smiled.

“I do,” He said as he slipped on the ring onto Donghyuck’s finger.

“And do you, Donghyuck Lee, take Mark to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Donghyuck smirked.

“I do…. Or do I?” The crowd oohed. He could hear Johnny shouting a “That’s my son!”, followed by a flustered Jaehyun trying to calm him down.

“You may now kiss,” 

It wasn’t an easy ride for Mark and Donghyuck. They still had disagreements every once in a while. They were human, after all. They fought, they had miscommunications and misunderstandings. Despite that, they made sure to find a way to fix it. They had fought _for_ each other for such a long time, went through mountains and thunderstorms to get to where they were, so they weren’t going to let small things get in the way. They were Mark and Donghyuck and even Fate’s shitty life challenges couldn’t tear them apart. Yes, it got hard at times but they had to power through it if they wanted the other to say. There _were_ close calls. Ones that had made Mark question everything and Donghyuck to doubt their bond. But they made it right. They always did. Red Velvet was right. They _were_ going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> based on a true story
> 
> JDFHK ive been wanting to write that line for agessss bcs i rlly wanted to get it out of my system but just like donghyuck initially, i was a coward jdhfks it's not 100% similar, obviously but most of it really did happen... unfortunately. ANYWAYYYYYY thanks for making it this far!!! thank you for reading, and showing your support i love yalls omg <333333 also it would be nice if u could maybe leave some comments and kudos bcs damn validation sexy sjkdhak ok ok yall can also shout at me here
> 
> twitter: @hyuckieee  
> cc: at my twitter's bio dfjsdk
> 
> i still dk how to link them both this is tasphobic
> 
> okiesss bye!!


End file.
